Are you hiding from life?

We all want to hide from the world sometimes. But, most people start therapy because they want change in their lives, to live more fully. In his book, ‘Narcissism’, the psychoanalyst Neville Symington revisits a myth that shows why it is so difficult to make the changes we say we want to make.

Cassius and Miriam

Cassius lived alone in a beautiful glade where he could eat and sleep whenever he wanted and he had nymphs that satisfied him sexually. He began to feel dissatisfied and restless. Sometimes people come into therapy in this way. These feelings are a signal that something needs to change. Cassius was lonely. He was tired of thinking just about himself and wanted more.

He met a woman called Miriam. Not only was she attractive but she had created a great life for herself. She even had her own house and a garden. He wondered if they could have a baby together. Miriam explained this would require effort on his part. She encouraged him and said they would have to leave the glade to make this future happen. This scared him. Even worse, she told him that if he decided to go, she would burn the boat that took him away so he could not return. Cassius decided not to go and stay in the safety of the glade. Instead he recreated Miriam in his head, he called her Marion! In other words, like many people, he preferred to live in fantasy and put off indefinitely the effort required to create a life. This felt easier for him than to try and be disappointed.

He lost his chance, and then like Narcissus, drowned himself in despair.

This myth shows the sacrifices and effort required to leave narcissism behind. Jung emphasised the need for this kind of initiation, he called it ‘the hero’s journey’.

    Jung believed that our conscious attitude conceals a less conscious one that is opposite. So Cassius seemed to want Miriam in fantasy but when he realised he could never go back to his easy life he became unsure. When fantasy meets the disappointing limits of reality, this is what Jung called ‘the tension of the opposites’.

       Fantasy can feel easier than reality especially if relationships in childhood have been traumatic. Cassius needed to fantasise about future possibilities in order to move from being stuck. At this point he may have experienced a range of feelings about Miriam, fear, disappointment, worry about not being good enough, frustration about all the work involved in getting to know another person. If we can tolerate the feelings that come up when we try to live our fantasy, we can build and grow. Therapy can be an important support on this road to a fuller, more satisfying life.